MORE SCREENER CUTS COMING?

Airport chiefs: Proposed screener cuts a bad idea
Senate measure would cut 6,000 TSA workers

By Thomas Frank
USA TODAY

Airline passengers will face longer airport security lines starting
this fall if Congress goes through with plans to cut up to 13% of the
nation's checkpoint screeners, a top Transportation Security
Administration official said Thursday.

Thomas Blank, TSA's acting deputy administrator, said the Homeland
Security Department is fighting a Senate spending measure that would
cut 6,000 of the agency's 45,000 screeners.

The House voted to cut 2,000 screeners in the budget that takes effect
Oct. 1, Blank told a Capitol Hill hearing.

Rep. Hal Rogers, R-Ky., chairman of the House subcommittee that
oversees Homeland Security funding, disputed Blank's figures and said
the House is not cutting any screeners but is cutting unnecessary
management costs.

Airport directors predicted enormous lines if 6,000 screeners are cut
as air travel hits record levels.

“There's no one who's going to get through a checkpoint in 10 minutes,”
William DeCota, aviation director at Kennedy, LaGuardia and Newark
airports, said afterward.

Ben DeCosta, manager of Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson International
Airport, said the TSA told him Tuesday that the airport would lose
several hundred screeners under the Senate plan.

“I'm concerned that the lines would be over an hour and would go around
the building, through baggage claim, out the door and down the
sidewalks,” DeCosta said.

Blank told the panel that “very crowded airport lobbies are a security
threat” because so many people could be an inviting target for
terrorists.

The Senate slashed 6,000 screeners after rejecting an administration
proposal to add a $3 fee to airline tickets to help pay for aviation
security. Earlier this month, Sen. Robert Byrd, D-W.Va., called the
cuts “very unfortunate” and blamed them on a budgetary misunderstanding
about the process for raising fees.

The House plan cut 5% from the administration's proposal for screeners
but added $40 million to buy automated luggage-scanning machines that
require far fewer screeners to operate than are needed to handle manual
machines now in many airports.

Rogers said he was “pushing TSA to install next-generation
technologies” that would improve bomb detection in luggage, speed up
screening and cut personnel costs.

Rep. Norm Dicks, D-Wash., criticized the administration for not seeking
more money to meet airport demand for automated luggage scanners.
“There is a chance here for major savings,” Dicks said.

TSA's Blank said increased air travel is generating more fees for
airports, which “are sitting on some cash that they can invest” in
security.

Blank testified the same day the TSA announced its annual
redistribution of screeners at the 441 airports where it provides
security. Airports will gradually lose or gain screeners in coming
months.

The big winners: Las Vegas' McCarran International Airport, Houston's
Intercontinental and Los Angeles International Airport, which opened
seven new security lanes this month to alleviate some of the longest
lines in the USA. “It will be a great help,” LAX spokesman Tom Winfrey
said.

STAFFING NUMBERS

Buckle up my Screener Friends at the Gerald R. Ford International Airport in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Click on the post title for the link to the proposed staffing numbers for each airport in the country. None of them are going up.....More like a Screener Manager in the FSD's office....THEY ARE GOING DOWN!

The Gerald R. Ford International Airport or GRR is number 105 on the list. Check it out. I am sure Management has not told you any of this.

What would be funny as hell is if everyone just got sick of the mistreatment, the lack of communication and all of the BULLSHIT and just up and said "TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT!" and quit all on the same day. I would laugh my ass off just to see all of the Supervisors and Managers having to be the ones to bust their humps for once!

You guys might want to start seeking new employment soon. With privatization and cuts, it's just not a very secure future for ya...I can't wait to see everyone working at the new casino when that opens up.

TSA STAFF MEETING AT THE GERALD R. FORD INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT!

This picture best represents a TSA SUPERVIORS MEETING. It's really all that gets accomplished at one of their staff meetings.....A HUGE "FUCKING THE DOG" SESSION.

TSA GESTAPO TACTICS AGAINST SCREENERS-MAX'S LAW

This is what's occurring every single day at the Gerald R. Ford International Airport in Grand Rapids, Michigan. TSA officials have warned their screeners and made them sign a memo basicly telling them that as Government Employees, they are not allowed to speak out against the very government for which they work. If they want to work for the Transportation Security Administration, they then have to give up their Constitutional Rights to FREE SPEECH! All in an effort to silence them from revealing what incompetent Administration, Management, and Supervisors they truly have. To me, it is a classic case of Government Fraud. The people running the TSA in Grand Rapids, Michigan don't want people to know how poorly they are handling things. Let it be Known though, The Screeners themselves at the Gerald R. Ford International Airport are the finest in the business, bar none. It is because of their competence that they make the Incompetent Boobs who think they are running the show look good. How do the Screeners get repaid for their efforts?.....Intimidation, Verbal Abuse, Physical Assault, and just plain and simple, NO LEADERSHIP WHATSOEVER!

Good leaders are suppose to help their subordinates succeed. What the Screeners at GRR have is OVERSEERS. Supervisors who are unwilling to make decisions that benifit their team's efforts to do the job; Afraid to rock the boat. Most of these clowns, the supervisors and both the managers, have, as I believe, realized that they have the best job that they will EVER have in their lives. They know that no one in their right minds in the private sector would ever give them the opportunity to be such tremendous screwups as they are right now working for the Government. As we all know, the Federal Government is not out to make a profit. They exist for the sole purpose of spending YOUR money as foolishly as possible because, simply, They know it's not their's!

Infringing on Constitutional Rights. Hindering of Free Speech. Next thing you know, the FSD and the AFSD alongside of both bungling boobs who fill the positions of Screener Manager will be burning the Constitution and the Bill of Rights as part of their own version of the Patriot Act. TSA STYLE!

TOTALLY SILLY AGENCY

THIS IS EXERPTS TAKEN FROM AN OPINION EDITORIAL ON SCREENR-CENTRAL.COM

I don't have a problem with the criticisms in Beth Pembroke's article other than her applying the problems she encountered at LAX at what appears to be all airports across the nation. No doubt that other airports are experiencing similar problems; I just don't think it applies across the board.

I think this is symptomatic of major airports more than it is of other airports. I believe that in major cities such as New York, Atlanta, LA and Chicago, the starting wages for screeners, leads and supervisors aren't competitive even with the adjustments for locality pay. Hate to stereotype, but you get what you paid for. I'm sure that there are a great number of dedicated and professional screeners in these cities, but once you get enough supervisors and leads with poor work ethics or unprofessional standards, it tends to discourage those good workers who would stay the course and rise through the ranks to improve the organization.



Sad truth is that NCS Pearson, may its name be cursed forever, did a truly sloppy job hiring screeners, leads, supervisors and screening managers. There were plenty of good people who were hired because they applied for these jobs NOT because NCS Pearson successfully selected the best applicants. Again, trying to avoid stereotyping, but I think there's an element of truth in explaining why some supervisors are of such low quality and others are not.

As for the criminal backgrounds, that's the risk any employer takes. However, if someone with a previous felony conviction made it through, then I again have to fault NCS Pearson. A simple NCIC check should have detected a previous felony conviction. Misdemeanors, on the other hand, are a different story and require a more in-depth inquiry. That's just the nature of a system designed to protect our rights and privacy.

My consistent criticism of TSA is its poor leadership. Of all the issues confronting TSA (cargo screening, the shoe screening policy, selectee passenger screening, lighter bans, Privacy Act violations, etc), the number one problem which may soon erupt and have dire consequences is TSA's poor leadership. It will erode the agency from the inside and spell disaster for the public that has little trust in it as it is already. Does this necessarily mean that unionizing TSA screeners may solve the problem? I don't know the answer to that. I'm usually reluctant to participate in unions, but in this case, with an unresponsive and uncaring leadership & management staff, this may be the solution. It could also worsen it.

Point is that TSA is clueless about its own internal problems and is still focused on its public image (yeah, see the contradiction there?). Rather than spouting out how many scissors were detected at the checkpoint and twisting that statistic as somehow contributing to aviation safety and security, TSA needs to take a cold hard look internally and work on creating a truly model workplace that motivates screeners to re-dedicate themselves as public servants protecting the public interest. If TSA does this, then all the other pieces will fall into place.

THE SECRET TO SHORTER LINES AND LESS WAITING

THIS MAKES JUST TOO MUCH SENSE FOR THE MORONS WHO RUN THE SHOW AT THE GERALD R. FORD TO TRY...BESIDES, THEY WOULD HAVE TO GIVE BONUSES TO SCREENERS INSTEAD OF THEMSELVES. THAT, AND IT SOUNDS LIKE COVENANT SECURITY A SUBSIDIARY OF LOCKHEED MARTIN HAS MORE AND BETTER CONTROL OVER SECURITY THEN THE SCHMUCKS WHO DIRECT TRAFFIC JAMS AT THE TSA.

USA TODAY/By Thomas Frank, USA TODAY

SAN FRANCISCO — In a windowless control center inside San Francisco
International Airport, Roger Bell punches codes into a computer and
swivels a joystick to maneuver any of the 1,200 cameras tucked
throughout the airport.
Bell can pan across a terminal or zoom in on someone waiting to
check in. But as he watches seven screens on a wall, he is looking
for one image: hordes of people about to flood a security checkpoint.

That's code-red, and Bell's signal to grab the phone, hit speed dial
and direct supervisors to move screeners from quiet checkpoints to
ones that are about to be swamped.

Screeners are shifted 100 times a day. That helps give San Francisco
some of the fastest airport security lines in the country and
exemplifies how airports can minimize delays.

San Francisco is one of five U.S. airports where security is not
provided by the federal agency created after the Sept. 11 attacks.
As the debate continues over whether the nation's airports should
use a private or government security force, San Francisco is an
example of how private security can make a difference — if
implemented well.

Security waits at San Francisco were longer than 10 minutes only 2%
of the time from June 2004 to mid-May, a USA TODAY analysis of
federal records shows. At other large airports, lines exceeded 10
minutes nearly four times as often.

"It's an efficient airport," says passenger Luke Alexander of San
Jose, Calif., who regularly takes international flights from San
Francisco.

After Sept. 11, the Transportation Security Administration took over
passenger screening from airlines, which had security companies
plagued by high turnover. The law creating TSA let five airports
have private security with TSA oversight to provide a comparison.

Despite San Francisco's experience, TSA says there's no clear
evidence that private management shortens lines.

A TSA-commissioned study in April 2004 found that
passengers "experienced shorter wait times" at San Francisco's
checkpoints and that security there was no more or less effective
than at other large airports.



But TSA spokeswoman Yolanda Clark says "any number of variables" can
explain San Francisco's security lines, such as flight schedules or
the number of security lanes. Other large airports with TSA
screeners, such as Detroit, Minneapolis and Charlotte, also have
short lines.

A division of labor

At San Francisco, Covenant Aviation Security of Illinois hires,
trains, schedules, manages and pays San Francisco's 1,140 screeners.
The TSA pays Covenant $79 million a year and dictates training,
security procedures and minimum salary for its screeners.

Deputy airport director Tryg McCoy cites an "inherent advantage" in
San Francisco's model: "The private sector can concern themselves
with the human resources efforts, managing the workforce and
complying with regulations the TSA issues, and the (TSA's) federal
security director can concentrate on security."

Covenant says it has improved management in the following ways:

• It employs a large number of part-timers — about 30% of its
screeners compared with 15% for the TSA. Most are college students,
says Covenant's chief recruiter, Heidi Funk. Part-timers often work
four-hour shifts and are assigned to the busiest travel periods to
maximize the number of security lanes.

• It says it has sharply cut the number of screeners out on workers'
compensation. That reduces absences that can force security lanes to
close. Covenant safety manager Dana Heimdahl required injured
workers to report to the airport in case they were needed to work
light duty instead of waiting for a call at home. "There were a lot
of miraculous cures," she says.

• It stations human "queue masters," instead of signs or video
monitors, to instruct fliers at checkpoints on protocols such as
removing shoes. "They pay more attention to an actual person who's
talking to them as opposed to staring at a screen," says Brian
O'Dell, Covenant's San Francisco general manager.

• It closely monitors worker performance. Covert teams go through
checkpoints to see if proper procedures are used. Computers track
how often screeners detect images of fake weapons flashed on baggage
X-ray machines during a work shift. The best screeners operate X-
rays during busiest times and mentor sub-par screeners, says
training director Ryan Yee.

• It rewards top screeners with bonuses of up to $2,000 and pins
denoting them a "master screener" or "customer service ambassador."

• It runs an intricate computer program that forecasts how many
passengers will go through each checkpoint every day at every hour.
That determines how many screening lanes should be open.

"You'll never see a bunch of screeners standing around at lanes that
aren't being used," says Covenant President Gerry Berry, a retired
Marine colonel who worked for six months at TSA headquarters after
its creation in 2002.

At the other airports with private security, the record is mixed.
Kansas City and Tupelo, Miss., had short lines, USA TODAY's analysis
of wait times recorded at each airport from June 2004 to mid-May
shows. Lines were about average at Jackson Hole (Wyo.) Airport and
longer at Rochester (N.Y.) International Airport.

McCoy, San Francisco's deputy airport director, says the airport
increased the number of security lanes from 33 to 39 — which many
airports have done to shorten lines — and added 800 cameras to its
system.

Covenant paid for 20 or so cameras at checkpoints, but the idea for
the monitoring center came from the airport and TSA.

SECRETS AND LIES IN THE "FRIENDLY" SKIES

This story can only support what I already know. The TSA is CORRUPT and MORALLY BANKRUPT.(Management and Administration, that is)

By Bruce Schneier, Schneier.com. Posted July 27, 2005.

Last Friday, the GAO issued a new report [PDF link] on Secure Flight. It's couched in friendly language, but it's not good:


During the course of our ongoing review of the Secure Flight program, we found that TSA did not fully disclose to the public its use of personal information in its fall 2004 privacy notices as required by the Privacy Act. In particular, the public was not made fully aware of, nor had the opportunity to comment on, TSA's use of personal information drawn from commercial sources to test aspects of the Secure Flight program. In September 2004 and November 2004, TSA issued privacy notices in the Federal Register that included descriptions of how such information would be used. However, these notices did not fully inform the public before testing began about the procedures that TSA and its contractors would follow for collecting, using, and storing commercial data. In addition, the scope of the data used during commercial data testing was not fully disclosed in the notices. Specifically, a TSA contractor, acting on behalf of the agency, collected more than 100 million commercial data records containing personal information such as name, date of birth, and telephone number without informing the public. As a result of TSA's actions, the public did not receive the full protections of the Privacy Act.

Get that? The TSA violated federal law when it secretly expanded Secure Flight's use of commercial data about passengers. It also lied to Congress and the public about it.

Much of this isn't new. Last month we learned that "the federal agency in charge of aviation security revealed that it bought and is storing commercial data about some passengers -- even though officials said they wouldn't do it and Congress told them not to."

Secure Flight is a disaster in every way. The TSA has been operating with complete disregard for the law or Congress. It has lied to pretty much everyone. And it is turning Secure Flight from a simple program to match airline passengers against terrorist watch lists into a complex program that compiles dossiers on passengers in order to give them some kind of score indicating the likelihood that they are a terrorist.

Which is exactly what it was not supposed to do in the first place.

My fear is that TSA has already decided that they're going to use commercial data, regardless of any test results. And once you have commercial data, why not build a dossier on every passenger and give them a risk score? So we're back to CAPPS-II, the very system Congress killed last summer. Actually, we're very close to TIA (Total/Terrorism Information Awareness), that vast spy-on-everyone data-mining program that Congress killed in 2003 because it was just too invasive.

Secure Flight is a mess in lots of other ways, too. A March GAO report[PDF link] said that Secure Flight had not met nine out of the ten conditions mandated by Congress before TSA could spend money on implementing the program. (If you haven't read this report, it's pretty scathing.) The redress problem -- helping people who cannot fly because they share a name with a terrorist -- is not getting any better. And Secure Flight is behind schedule and over budget.

It's also a rogue program that is operating in flagrant disregard for the law. It can't be killed completely; the Intelligence Reform and Terrorism Prevention Act of 2004 mandates that TSA implement a program of passenger prescreening. And until we have Secure Flight, airlines will still be matching passenger names with terrorist watch lists under the CAPPS-I program. But it needs some serious public scrutiny.

Security technologist and expert Bruce Schneier is the founder and CTO of Counterpane Internet Security, Inc.

TSA JOBS THAT ARE A TREMENDOUS WASTE-CONGRESS WANTS INVESTIGATION INTO MANAGEMENT JOBS AT THE AIRPORTS.

Thanks again to the LONEWATCHMAN for sending this article to me. This should make a few schmucks at the Gerald R. Ford International Airport start to worry. Especially the 2 lame brains that fill the position as managers but leave alot to be desired ain the field of leadership and command.And let us not forget my two good friends the AFSD and the FSD...We all know what those initials really stand for......Without them, this website would be boring, and taxpayers would have to go back to paying $700 for a toilet seat instead of the many many thousands of dollars these two wastes of space are collecting from the taxpayers back pocket.

Some airport security jobs a 'waste' By Thomas Frank, USA TODAY Posted
7/12/2005 11:50 PM Updated 7/13/2005 10:50 AM WASHINGTON

— The head of the House aviation subcommittee has asked for an
investigation into what he alleges is an excessive number of federal
security administrators at airports, many of whom have "questionable
job descriptions that pay over $100,000 annually." Rep. John Mica,
R-Fla., wrote last week to Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff
and the department's inspector general to complain that some
Transportation Security Administration employees have "poorly defined
responsibilities" whose jobs are "a tremendous waste." The TSA, part of
the Homeland Security Department, runs airport security. Mica, a
frequent TSA critic, wants Chertoff to cut the TSA's administrative
staff or Congress to impose a cap. He also wants Inspector General
Richard Skinner to investigate. The TSA said 837 of its 55,000
employees, or 1.5%, get a base salary of $100,000 or more. TSA
spokesman Mark Hatfield called the agency's administrative staffing
"very lean" and said most larger airports have too few administrative
employees. "We're doing more with less than most federal agencies,"
Hatfield said. Skinner's office said that it would decide shortly
whether to look into Mica's concerns. The House has proposed cutting
$36 million of the $280 million sought by the TSA for airport
management in 2006, saying the agency added nearly 1,000 administrators
in the past two years.

UPDATE

I had my first day at my new job yesterday! It is so nice working at a place that actually VALUES their employees. For all of you still stuck at the Gerald R. Ford International Airport in Grand Rapids, Michigan, There is life after the TSA...No REALLY, there is!

I am so happy not to have to put myself through the stupidity of the Supervision and Management of the Transportation Security Administration anymore. Especially at GRR.

Once again I must reiterate that I have NEVER, EVER worked in a place where the Administration, Management and Supervision were all EQUALLY INCOMPETENT and literally FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL RECOGNITION. If you were to describe the best supervisor in the place, it would be that the person was the best of the worst. Actually the lesser of the evils because they were all freakin idiots. The cronyism, the adolesent secret keeping, even the filtering of information desseminated to the screeners by the supervisors only proves how RIGHT I AM! It was like working for a bunch of Liberal Democrats.

Except for working in the prison system, I have never, ever seen so many ASSHOLES concentrated into one small area in my entire life. It was like being at the Democratic National Convention.

The place I work for is always looking for talented people. Give me a shout and I will refer you to the website to apply. Good Luck Screeners, and Baruch Hashem!

SCREENING MANAGER JOB DESCRIPTION

{Does'nt the Schmuck above look like the "No Brainer B*%#r}
I would like to thank the LoneWatchman for this little informational tidbit.

I wish the Screeners of the TSA at the Gerald R. Ford International Airport in Grand Rapids, Michigan could tell me if this Job Description for Screener Manager, which by the way was taken from USAJOBS.COM, word for word, even closely resembles anything that the two chowderheads at GRR do during the course of their 8 hour day.

PRINCIPAL DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES:
Incumbent functions as a Screening Manager responsible for individuals
at screening checkpoints. Manages screening checkpoints that are central
to Transportation Security Administration (TSA) objectives and that will
serve to protect the traveling public by preventing any deadly or dangerous
objects from being transported onto an aircraft. The incumbent works under close
supervision and review.

Maintains communication with supervisors regarding any issues that
might reveal a weakness or vulnerable area of security screening that is discovered in the course of screening duties. Participates in information briefings
concerning security-sensitive or classified information.

Tell me if I'm wrong. A vast majority of their day is spent, not on the checkpoint, where alas, they might then fist hand witness the shenanigans that the Supervisors are into on a CONSTANT basis, but NO....They, the Screening Managers, spend almost their entire shift AWAY from the checkpoint, whether its DOWNSTAIRS in their office or on their own hour and a half lunch break going to the GYM or as one former AFSD called it, "The Gun Factory".

Yes, they do make their occasional appearance on the checkpoint, but that's only for a short moment. It is the opinion of this writer and that of many of the Screeners,(I know this because we spoke about it so often when I worked there) that maybe, just maybe, then they would have a better handle on the way the Supervisors perform their duties. Maybe then, they're would be less use of Intimidation, Less waste of the Taxpayers money because of the hour and a half lunch breaks, several half hour smoke breaks, watching of football games in the Airport Bar, earning one's degree on the clock, and maybe then morale might pick up.

But, I fear that these things will never happen. At the Gerald R. Ford International Airport, Administrators, Managers, and Supervisors/Leads are all "Do as I say, not as I do" type of bosses. Not true leaders. A true LEADER would lead by example thus setting a good example for the Screeners, maybe even forging relationships with their subordinates. Not at the Gerald R. Ford.

I have spoken with Screeners from several different airports around the country, and at all but the Gerald R. Ford International, the Screener Manager is on the Checkpoint MOST OF THE SHIFT!

When I spoke to one of the Screener managers about this on one occasion, he told me, and I quote, "That it is NOT the job of the Screener Manager to Supervise the Supervisors on the Checkpoint. No wonder these lugnuts get away with the shit that they get away with. The screener managers allow the Supervisors to be UnSupervised. At least that's the way I understand it to be. I could be wrong...But I doubt it.

I must say though, it is freakin hilarious to see these Schmucks,(the Supervisors, Managers, and Administrator) all huddled up in deep top secret conversation. I swear, if you were to rub all of their heads together, you would'nt even be able to spark ANYTHING closely resembling a thought, let alone a flame.

Yes, these are the same Schmucks that decided to do random drug testing on Screeners, ON THE CHECKPOINT in the Family Bathroom. And when they decided that was not such a good idea (DUH), they took it off the grounds to the Fire Station. I was marched all the way to the other side of the airport, and when I asked the Screener Manager what was going on, she would not tell me. She simply stated, "You'll find out when we get there". Now mind you, I have been picked for random drug testing MANY, MANY times, and I have never, ever seen it done in a TOP SECRET fasion as it was done that time. What was I going to do? Run away? If that was the case, then I would have been fired for refusing a drug test. BIG DEAL! TOP FREAKIN SECRET. I still laugh thinking about these Chowderheads and their disfunctional antics.

Read the Job Description above again, and then ask yourself...Does my Screener Manager perform his/her duties as this states? Be near a bathroom, you'll laugh so hard you'll pee your freakin pants just picturing Ren and Stimpy of the Gerald R. Ford.

My Prayers and Thoughts are with you guys. Screeners Rule...Managers Drool!

49 THINGS A MAJORITY OF SCREENERS WISH THEY COULD SAY TO TSA MANAGEMENT AT GRR

1. I don't work here. I'm a Screener Manager.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. Ahhh...I see the f-ck-up fairy has visited us again...
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of Federal Employers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable... time to up my medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
26. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
27. Do I look like a people person?
28. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
29. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
30. You! Off my Checkpoint!
31. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
32. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
33. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
34. Allow me to introduce my selves.
35. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
36. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
37. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
38. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
39. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
40. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
41. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
42. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
43. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
44. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
45. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
47. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
48. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
49. How many times must I flush before you leave?

AND THE AWARD GOES TOO..............

For those of you unaware of how the cash award system really works at the Gerald R. Ford International Airport, I'm going to give you a quick primer on what REALLY goes on behind the scenes.

Of course, Screeners get Some of the cash awards, but many of the Supervisors and some of the leads sit downstairs and actually nominate each other to get awards.

The "Pirates Dream" of Afternoons and Mr. TSA himself have been observed nominating each other.

The Jolly Green Giant and a Screener who shall remain nameless but her name rhymes with "Catty" have allegedly nominated each other for awards. After all, the Giant is such a dumb ass in his own right, how else would he ever get an award.

The "Pirates Dream" does it just to help cover her tracks for ever screw up and bone head move she just seems to do on a regular basis.

There you go folks. A quick primer on how Screwed your getting. Not only do they make all of the money in wages, they Schtup you on the cash awards too.

There will be more to follow on this one.......

LET'S NOT FORGET SPECIAL & TALL What's his Name!

Could you picture "Special K" doin something like this?
We've all seen this lech drooling and staring on the checkpoint
And he's been known to make off color comments about
the ladies that come through the checkpoint. But as a "Lead"
He is immune to any repercucussions of his actions. After
all, they would never punish one of their own.

But then there is of course one on afternoon shift. This guy is a joke. He thinks he has every promotion "Locked Up" till they tell him they gave it too one of their Coast Guard cronies or some other schmuck with better knee pads and not as rough of a chin to lay ones....Well you know where I'm goin with this one. Even the Supervisors laugh at this putz. And oh yeah....Wash your own Freakin bins!.....

Rumor has it that he was seen wearing a shirt similar to the one pictured. I guess he's big eneough to be a billboard, but WOW, what a Public Relations Jerk Off!

I heard that it was a passenger that told a Supervisor recently about seeing this Schmuck out in public wearing a t shirt that said this.

Alright, Gotta Go! Don't forget to keep me up to date on the whole Skipper and Barney thing.
One last thought, hmm makes you wonder if Deputy Barney does'nt have underlying Homosexual tendencies. Schtupping someone who looks like a little boy and all. Oh yeah, is'nt she still living with her husband.....Can you say "THREESOME"....Can you say "YUK"!
Later on Guys!

TSA JOB POSTING-TRUTH IN ADVERTISING

IF THERE REALLY WAS TRUTH IN ADVERTISING, THIS WOULD BE THE "HELP WANTED" AD FOR THE TRANSPORTATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION. ESPECIALLY THE TSA AT THE GERALD R. FORD INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN.

BOSS' PORTRAIT

FSD= Fucking Stupid Dick...
AFSD=Another Fucking Stupid Dick...

Kind of hard to narrow down who this resembles the most. Gonna have to swing a dead cat on this one. This portrait belongs on both checkpoints. Have a good one guys...Keep laughing!

NEW GAME

Let's play "Guess The Schmuck"......Who could I be talking about?

What Pittsburgh Steeler fan had to be told to wear deoderant before he was promoted to Supervisor because of his odoriferous presense on the checkpoint? Still hav'nt guessed.....Keep Playing......

He has no neck and no appearance of a chin, it looks like his shoulders blew a bubble? Still having problems, keep playin.................

He is hardly ever without a cup of StarBucks coffee in his hand, and his ass has taken on the impression of the stool he most often can be found sitting in, that is when he is even on the checkpoint? One more hint.....................

His name rhymes with oddly eneough, "NO BRAINER"...............

OK, now it's your turn to Guess The Schmuck. Send in your guesses. Have Fun!

THE FACE OF FREEDOM

MEET THE GUY BEHIND THE GENIUS.........THE ROGUE JEW! OFTEN IMITATED, NEVER DUPLICATED.

Almost two hundred hits a day to this site now! Thank You Everyone. CHA CHING!

JOKES

I thought that I would lighten things up a bit today and include a couple of jokes for all of my readers. Mind you, I always have a theme or a underlying reason for something, so here goes.....

Remember all of the "REDNECK" jokes as told by Jeff Foxworthy? Well, I'm going to start a new kind of joke..."You might be a looser if...." Let's see if anyone gets these jokes.

1. You might be a looser if your son gets your boyfriends daughter knocked up!
2. You might be a looser if your a grandmother before you turn 40.
3. You might be a looser if your haircut causes people to think your a boy!

4.A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out
to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale
department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you
have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and
proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much
the same manner. After a third try at another
department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the
mall, she drove to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her
blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried
Clearasil?"



Make no doubt about it....CHECK FREAKIN MATE MUTHA SCRATCHER!

OBITUARY-THE DEATH OF FREEDOM AND LIBERTY!

November 25, 2002, with the signature of George W. Bush creating the Department of Homeland Security, a milestone in the History of our great country was marked by the death of the Twin Pillars of our society, Freedom and Liberty.

The fight to keep alive these two foundations of our Nation has been a long and arduous one. The mercilous attacks on them have come from politicians on both sides of the aisle in their ever continuing grab for more and more power. Regardless of popular support for the twins, the political class has long sought to bring about their demise. In a "Bi-Partisan" effort both houses of Congress have voted to destroy the most important rights of the People, only a very few of the Congress opposed the death of these important twins.

Those of us who have known these twins for a long time will be very much saddened by their death, and those who have only known them briefly will soon learn how important they were to the Welfare and Security of our Great Country. With the death of Liberty and Freedom it will only be a short time until the Populace of this country will be living under a Dictatorship, controlled by an "Elite" class of politicians who will dictate every facet of our lives.

Requiem In Pacet!

NEW UNIFORM ADDITIONS-Gags and Restraints.

It is to my understanding, that the TSA is adding a new item to their uniform as soon as possible. A gag is to be issued to all Screeners starting yesterday so as to not speak out about wrong doings by their Slave Handlers.
It is to my knowledge that the death of freedom and liberty is the cause of this reactionary process. Obiturary of freedom to follow.