In light of TSA's new security policy of intimate contact with passengers as part of security screening procedures, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is expect to announce a new security initiative today to strengthen TSA operations in California. TSA (the Transportation Security Administration), which often struggles to find adequate numbers of qualified screening agents, will be able to tap into the large population of convicted sex offenders in California, thousands of whom will now be given supervised work furloughs to serve as low-cost screeners at airports throughout California. Several patriotic inmates have even offered to pay for the privilege of making America more secure.
"This is important work," said Governor Schwarzenegger, who has allegedly offered to serve as a TSA volunteer on weekends when they are short-handed. "One never knows what security threats might be found beneath someone's underwear." President Bush praised the California initiative, dismissing the charge that some passengers do not wish to be fondled or groped during travel. "The TSA is doing important work, making America more secure and helping to make Homeland Security a more intimate part of each American's life. Thanks to TSA, our government can now reach out and touch millions more people better than ever before - and in more places. Isn't that what it's all about?"