We walk with our Christian allies, even more so than with many of our own know-it-all Jewish brethren. Seventy-five percent of Jewish Americans are liberal, and a good portion of them are to the left of that. We have nothing in common with them or the ACLU except bagels and curly hair. Whoever said that Jews are a smart people got it wrong. Some of our own may call us traitors. Some of us are married to non-Jews and we like it that way. We aren’t worried about intermarriage nearly as much as we are about the same-sex kind, although if I may add, that this issue is not even a concern of mine, I believe that everyone, straight or gay deserves to be equally miserable.
We like guns that shoot around corners and strong missile defense. We believe in tax cuts and more military spending. We are Zionists and support Israel by keeping our mouths shut and our pocket books open. We no longer believe in the Samson option, we prefer the Israeli’s wipe their enemies out before it reaches that point. We want Moshiach now and are prepared to leave any “mostly cultural” Jew behind if we have to.
We have nothing in common with the Reform movement, but we still pray in their synagogues on Yom Kippur to make our mothers happy. The anything but “Conservative” Conservative movement doesn’t do it for us either. We love and learn with the Orthodox community as they agree with our morals and politics, but we struggle to go that far or have that many children. We are the free-agent Jews. We give our money to Chabad charities as they have never let us down. We love the Rebbe and immediately go to 770 as soon as we are in New York. We don’t live in New York City.
Some of us live in Texas or Michigan and are married to gorgeous blonde women. We have kids with names like Austin or Jess-belle who wear a yarmulke to the motocross and NASCAR races. Liberal girls don’t like us but they still sleep in our bed anyway. We like to drink every night, to life, liberty, and the American way, and all alcoholic beverages are kosher in our book.
I might add my own little “What is a Jewish Republican”. I speak only for myself, but I honestly believe that if you were to dress Osama bin Laden up as a unborn baby, Democrats would have him killed in a second, and would line up by the millions to do so and defend the right to do it! That’s only my opinion, I could be wrong.