Thursday, December 15, 2005
I know everyone is familiar with the Christmas letter that the annoying relatives send out every year...Heres a Hanukkah letter that is sure to make you laugh!
"The Hanukkah Letter"
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,
Happy Chanukah to you, and please don't worry. I'm
just fine considering I can't breathe or eat. The important
thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles
away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten
dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my
grandchildren. G-d knows their mother never buys them
anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.
Thank you so much for the birthday flowers, dear boy. I
put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave.
Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know
she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral
so Aunt Berta and I dug her up and had the services all
over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman
you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's
never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid
surgery, has she?
Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost
my cane beating off muggers last week, but don't you
worry about me. I'm also getting used to the cold since
they turned my heat off and am grateful because the frost
on my bed numbs the constant pain. Now don't you even
think about sending any more money, because I know
you need it for those expensive family vacations you take
every year. Give my love to my darling grandbabies and
my regards to whatever-her-name-is -- the one who
stole you screaming from my bosom.
Posted by The Rogue Jew at 12/15/2005 07:28:00 AM