Entrance to Heaven for Thousands of Asians Delayed by TSA

From the news archives from last years Tsunamis in Asia I found this interesting article.

Entrance to Heaven for Thousands of Asians Delayed by TSA

HEAVEN (MGB) - With thousands of tsunami victims seeking entry into Heaven, the TSA has cordoned off the pearly gates in an effort to make sure that none of the souls in question are on the TSA's "no fly" list. Anyone who is found out to be on the list of suspected terrorists and supporters of terror groups will be pulled from the line and either returned to their place of origin to wander for eternity as a disembodied spirit or will be held at the US internment facility at Guantanamo.

Although the TSA's involvement in the processing of the dead has provoked criticism from some, particularly dead people, Assistant Secretary of Homeland Security for TSA Rear Admiral David M. Stone USN (Ret.) defended the necessity to set up shop in the great hereafter to ensure American safety in the here and now.

"Look, no one wants to put off the eternal bliss of Heaven for anyone, particularly those who were killed in such an untimely fashion. However, the fact is that amongst the dead were thousands of Muslims, many of who were suspected terrorists, and we cannot sit idly by while the enemies of the United States of America are allowed to go gallivanting around the afterlife. Terrorist groups must learn that the hand of American justice extends everywhere and death will no longer be accepted as an escape from the forces of freedom."