Sunday, May 15, 2005

RECENT LATE NITE JOKES

"The White House and the Capitol building were evacuated today as a small plane flew into restricted airspace. It actually got within three miles of the White House. Three miles! That's closer than John Kerry ever got." --Jay Leno

"An airplane comes through the restricted airspace and they evacuated White House and Capital. But Ted Kennedy, he stayed cool. He told the security guy 'Cover me, I'm going to Hooters.'" --David Letterman

"Congress was evacuated and it caused a 15-minute interruption of getting absolutely nothing accomplished." --David Letterman

"Did you see people rushing out of the Capital? It was unbelievable. That was the fastest Congress ever moved that didn't involve giving themselves a pay raise. What was really scary was Tom DeLay. He had to get 25 family members on the payroll out of there. There hasn't been this kind of panic and evacuation in the White House since that night in '98 when Hillary came home early." --Jay Leno

"Laura described herself as a desperate housewife whose husband goes to bed to early. To which Hillary said 'That must be nice.'" --Jay Leno

"I guess you all heard about the big scare at the White House yesterday. You know about this? A false alarm about a plane violating White House airspace caused the Secret Service to evacuate the president from the Oval Office. That shows you how times have changed. Remember back in the '90s when a false alarm just meant Hillary's coming?" --Jay Leno

"Bush asked Bill Clinton for advice about what to do in Iraq and he said 'Don't pull out until you hear her husband's car in the drive way.'" --Craig Ferguson

"Anti-war protesters have now showed up at the Michael Jackson trial because they realize, hey, cameras and free publicity. One embarrassing moment, a protesters had a sign the other day that said, 'Bring our boys home.'" --Bill Maher

"In an interview over the weekend on Japanese television, Bill Clinton said Hillary would make a great president -- lousy intern but great, great president." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton’s former business partners can vote for her in 2008." --Jay Leno

1 comment:

Jami said...

As if Bush would ask for help in fixing Iraq. Nope. Just more money and your poor kids, please.